


It's better to sit down and eat your pie

by immunologie



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Clones, Comedy, F/F, Gen, Halloween, Horror, Trick or Treating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-30
Updated: 2013-10-30
Packaged: 2017-12-30 22:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1024250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immunologie/pseuds/immunologie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alison is forced to take Helena trick-or-treating. Hijinks ensue. A horror comedy.</p><p>Sorry for the crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's better to sit down and eat your pie

“YES. Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of her!” She yells, turning on the ignition. She looks up to see a leather jacket, arms crossed.  
   
“Where’s Kira?”  
“She’s…”  
   
 _Oscar, Gemma_ … no Kira.  
   
A giggle. “I’m here!”  
   
Sarah hugs her as she runs up to the car. “Alright, pumpkin. Be careful, yeah?”  
“I’m not a pumpkin. I’m Sleeping Beauty!”  
   
She chuckles as the child scrambles in before glaring at the driver’s seat.  
   
“I swear she was back there,” Alison quips.  
“Either way, I’m making Helena go with you.”  
“For trick-or-treating? Are you insane?”  
“She’ll be your bodyguard.”  
“Unless she goes and kills someone!”  
   
“Auntie!”  
   
Helena smiles and climbs into the passenger’s seat. “Hello, angel.”  
“I’m Sleeping Beauty!”  
   
Alison gives Sarah a look. “If she has _knives_ on her, I swear—”  
“It’s Halloween! Liven up.” She looks smugly at the cheerleading outfit. “Also, your costume is ridiculous.”  
   
“I’m a Cheerio.”  
“Yeah, and I’m a tea party.”  
“Shut up.”  
“Drive.”  
   
——  
   
It’s Helena’s first trick-or-treat. She stares wide-eyed at the giant pumpkin bowl, then at Kira. The child nods, so she takes. She takes handfuls and begins stuffing Kisses into her pockets. She continues to take until she notices the shock on the woman’s face, which gradually contorts to anger and a hand that lunges at her.  
   
But Helena is a trained assassin. A _reformed_ …  
   
“AHHhhh YOU CRAZY BITCH!”  
   
“Helena, you’re only supposed to take _one_!” Kira shrills on top of her shoulder as they bound past Alison, scattering candy wrappers on the sidewalk.  
   
——  
   
The next house blares with reggaeton, red plastic cups littering the lawn.  
   
“Maybe not this one, kids,” Alison remarks.  
“HOOOO A CHEERLEADER!”  
   
She cringes as she turns to see a toilet-papered man at the doorway and Helena eyeing the cupcake in his hand.  
   
“Come in!” he shouts excitedly, ushering in the children and handing them cups. “YOLO!”  
“No, kids—”  
   
She grabs the cups and puts them back. “Helena, let’s go… _Helena_?”  
   
On the widescreen, a bikini-clad woman with wavy blonde hair moves in flexible positions to the beat of the music.  
   
“OMG, I _love_ your Shakira costume!!” squeals one girl. She has no idea what that is. The girl points to the widescreen and Helena wonders how the girl could see her underwear under her jacket.  
   
——  
   
“Sarah is going to _kill me_.”  
   
“What the hell is going on here?”  
   
She yelps at the sight of Sarah in a furry pussycat with a white ball on her ass and Felix suited up in a top hat. “What the hell are you wearing??”  
   
Sarah rolls her eyes. “A tea party.”  
“Actually, I’m the Mad Hatter and this is… the White Rabbit,” Felix clarifies.  
   
Alison smiles smugly. “ _Your_ costume is ridiculous.”  
“Shut up.”  
“How did you find us?”  
   
Sarah holds up a candy wrapper.  
   
“We left the loft because Cosima and Delphine wanted to make ‘cream pies’,” Felix adds.  
   
“What is cream pie, seestra?” Helena appears, looking inquisitively at Sarah.  
   
“Ahhmm. Well. It is a very tasty treat for special occasions.”  
   
Alison sighs. “Let’s just head to my place?”  
“Great idea!” Sarah leads them out. “Helena?”  
   
“She’s running down the street!”  
   
A shared look. _The cream pie_.  
   
“Oh my God, we have to stop her.”  
   
——  
   
“Mm… your pie smells wonderful,” Delphine gushes.  
   
“ _You_ smell wonderful…” murmurs Cosima, setting down the pan. Clothes begin to scatter as the aroma of pumpkin fills the air.  
   
Blonde hair rises from the behind the counter. “Cream pie!”  
   
Cosima jerks in surprise and they fall off the couch.  
   
“Merde—”  
“ _Helena—_ how did you…”  
“Shakeera?”  
   
Cosima clambers up, thankful to still be in her underwear, as Delphine looks for her robe. The door flings open.  
   
“Helena, _stop_ — holy shit…” Alison covers Kira’s eyes as Sarah and Felix step inside.  
   
“It’s okay!” Cosima yells, putting on her shirt.  
   
“Cream pie… very tasty…” Helena mumbles between bites.  
“It’s _pumpkin_ pie,” Cosima grumbles. “…At least one of us got to eat pie.”  
   
Delphine soothes her with a kiss as the rest settle in. “Since we’re all home, we should watch a… film d’horreur, non?”  
   
——  
   
Cosima lifts a DVD. “Oooh, this one’s about that creepy girl, right?”  
“Yeah… and I think before you die, you see the ring or something,” Alison adds, picking at the leftover pie.  
   
“They’re baaack!” Kira calls out suddenly.  
   
Sarah looks up from _Poltergeist 2_. “You’ve seen this before, monkey?”  
“No.”  
A laugh. “Then who’s back?”  
   
“Your sisters, mommy. Auntie Beth, Katja, Danielle, Aryanna, Janika…”  
   
The room quiets.  
   
A door bell rings.  
   
“I’ll get it!” Alison yells, breaking the silence.  
   
“Honey, how did you know their names?” Sarah asks softly.  
“Why?”  
“They’re dead…”  
   
Kira shakes her head. Sarah looks up. “Alison, don’t open it!”  
   
It’s too late. Alison sees a ring on a familiar finger.  
   
She drops the pie and whispers, “Beth.”

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [Orphan Black Fright Night FanFic Challenge](http://orphanblack.tumblr.com/post/64828915366/orphan-black-fright-night-fanfic-challenge-your).
> 
> Quotes from horror films:  
> "I think before you die, you see the ring…" - Rachel Keller, The Ring  
> Bonus: “They’re back.” - Carol Anne, Poltergeist 2


End file.
